| Coach's Corner |
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The Coach's Corner section compiles many of Kevin MacDonald's responses to questions that have been asked on the ClubCareers site.
Kevin selects four or five hot topic questions each month and posts the question along with his response.
The Coach's Corner will archive each month's question and
answer. If you have a question regarding career
services, submit one today under the "Submit a Question" link
or by clicking here.
For other inquiries, please feel free to contact the Career Services department at CMAA National Headquarters
at (703) 739-9500 or e-mail, clubcareers@cmaa.org.
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| Questions & Answers |
Question:
I have a director who continually makes life miserable for me. What can I do about this? |
Answer:
From a coaching perspective, whenever I’m working with a client and they have a challenge with someone else the focus of our interaction is always about the client. We can’t change the way your director is but you can change they way you receive his messages and you can change the way you react to them. Often people act in a way that works and sometimes when we tolerate people’s poor behavior we are, in essence, supporting it. Coaching supports people by asking them to take accountability for how they behave.
My questions to you would be: What have you done to create the problem? What actions have you taken to resolve it? Does the person know that the behavior is not acceptable? Do you find yourself being a victim of it? Do you know what you need and do you know how to express those needs? These would be just a few of the questions that I would ask to help you get an understanding of why this is happening.
Obviously starting to understand why we tolerate behavior that is not acceptable is a good place to begin. This is something that we could go into in more detail in a one on one coaching session if interested. |
Question:
We have all heard that "perception is reality." Many times, a member (or small group of members) can formulate and promote a "negative perception" about their club for one reason or another. Often times this negativity is exaggerated, untrue, and brought about by personality differences rather than substance. To make matters worse, those members who hoard these negative feelings are typically difficult to reason with!
My question is this:
How can you change this "perception" once it has permeated within the membership, and ultimately into the community?
Thanks for your advice |
Answer:
This is a great question that can prompt some great discussion and also allows me to illustrate a key distinction about the coaching process that many managers may not understand.
My job as a Coach is to assist the people I work with in achieving their goals. They need to be able to figure out what their goal is, understand that they are accountable for it's attainment and realize that the solutions to the obstacles that they face are within them. I realize that it might sound like I am not about to give you a solution and that is partially true because if 40 different people posed this question they may all have a different way of answering it. What I will do is ask you a few questions, tell you a story and see what you come up with.
Do you think you can change another persons perception?
Do you think you can change your perception?
If it is possible to do so, how would you like to change it?
Does your perception impact their perception?
What do you think they are really upset about?
Are you taking their comments or perceptions personally?
If so, what would be possible if you weren't?
When I work with my clients and we talk about any relationship they are having challenges with we always focus on the client and not the other people. It is just so much more effective. So I challenge you to focus on you and as I hope you know you are able to book a coaching session with me over the phone or at the conference to work on this with me.
This story starts when I was conducting coaching sessions at a club management conference. I was talking to a young general manager of a club about a challenge she was having. She had one particular member of the club was always speaking to her in an aggressive and patronizing way and would constantly criticize the operation amongst her fellow members, even in front of the manager. The member in question was a very successful business woman that was about 20 years older than the manager.
I asked the young woman a number of questions to help her get clarity about what was happening.
I asked her if she agreed with the criticisms. She said she did with some and didn't with others.
I asked her if she was ever disrespectful to the member. She said that she didn't believe she had ever been disrespectful.
I asked her if it was ok for people to be disrespectful toward her? She said that she would normally say no but in this case it appeared that she had tolerated disrespect.
I asked her if she thought it was possible that this member was doing these things to help her and not hurt her. She struggled with that one but after some thought considered that perhaps she was.
I asked her how she looked or behaved when this woman did these things. She said that she probably looked small, meek, subservient. She went on to say that she would feel defensive, attacked and lacking in confidence. She said that she would avoid this member and when that was not possible would try to become invisible.
I asked her if she showed up like that very often. She said that she thinks that this is the only example of showing up like this. She said that she is typically very confident, competent and in control.
I asked her what she thought this woman would be like if she saw the manager as confident, competent, in control and someone who would not tolerate disrespect. She felt that it would probably be different and she left the session committed to showing up differently and observing what happened.
Coincidentally, the young woman called me two days ago. I asked her if the relationship with the member was better. She told me that it was not only better but it was brilliant. She said that she never had to address the respect issue because ever since she presented herself as a confident, competent and in control manager, there was no disrespect. She is around this member often and hasn't heard any criticisms since, only compliments.
I hope this gives you some ideas and I would love to discuss this with you to see how you think you might deal with members perceptions.
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Question:
I’ve been interviewing for various jobs but I’m continually being told that I come in second. What do I need to do to change that? |
Answer:
I think there are a number of ways to look at this. First, are you applying for jobs that really allow you to be who you are? If the job really isn’t meant for you perhaps you give that away in the interview. Sometimes we don’t believe a job is really for us and then we show up in the interview in a way that doesn’t allow us to get the job. This also brings up the question; are you clear on who you are and what your skills are and what type of opportunity will be the best match for that? If you’re not really convinced that you’re the right person for the job or that it’s not the right job for you, this is probably evident to the selection committee. |
Question:
I’m not sure that this is what I want to do any more. What can I do to figure that out? |
Answer:
I’ve had the opportunity to speak to many club management professionals and I think one of the realities of the business is that we can get into situations that are very personally draining. The danger is that as we go through them that all we’re seeing is what isn’t working. If you are a skilled club manager there is no doubt that your skills can be transferred to many other opportunities. And if you are a skilled club manager you probably also have gifts that you don’t recognize. Perhaps this is a good time to step away from what’s going on in your job and take a look at the attributes of the job that have given you passion throughout your career. I challenge you to make a list of those things that you love and also of the areas where you have great confidence. Then also make a list of the things that drain energy from you. When we’re not focusing on the negative it may give us a clearer picture of what we truly want. If you do create these two lists and are still struggling with the decision please give me a call so we can talk further about this. Perhaps it will be possible to see some new strategies to deal with the things that are draining you! |
Question:
I have been just through a very difficult time at my club and I’m no longer there. My confidence is shattered. What should I do? |
Answer:
As the coach for CMAA I can tell you that you are not alone. I have been there, and many of your colleagues have been there too. Very often this experience is part of a process we have to go through before we’re ready for our next opportunity. One of my jobs as a coach is to help people shift their thinking. It’s not so much a matter of getting you to believe that you have confidence and special gifts but rather a chance to help you remember that you possess these attributes. It is so easy when we are dealing with people in our clubs who are trying to convince us that we should be something other than what we are to forget the brilliance of what we are and how it got us to this point in our career. Sometimes it is a good idea to ask those people who know us well to tell us what they see as our brilliance or our gifts. Often times we can look at our performance review and remember what people have said about us before. Alternatively, you can give me a call and I can help refresh your memory. One thing is for sure: prior to going onto our next opportunity we need to manage our beliefs and our energy. I would love to help you shift your beliefs and restore your energy. |
Question:
I seem to get jobs and enjoy them for a few years but then the same problems keep showing up. |
Answer:
In coaching we refer to this as recycling. When we have the same thing happen to us over and over there comes a point where we get the message that maybe it’s got something to do with us. This is a huge discovery. If you’re recognizing it for yourself, you could be on the verge of breaking through it. If the same things keep happening to us, over and over, perhaps we’re the common thread. If it were happening to me I would ask, “What am I doing to cause these problems? Is it something I’m doing or not doing? Is it something I’m saying or not saying? Is it the way I am interpreting things that are happening?” If you recognize that you’re recycling the same problem please contact me and let me help you through this. |
Question:
I have a few problem members who seem to bring out the worst in me. What can I do? |
Answer:
There are many ways to approach this. One that I have used with many club managers is to help them understand themselves better. I have a process that helps people to understand their personal needs. They get to see what they look like when their needs are being met (This is an example of bringing out the best in them.) They also get to see a picture of what they look like when their needs are not met (a picture of the worst of them). Once they understand what their needs are and have seen both sides of themselves I help them to understand how to get their needs met to a point where they almost don’t need them. This has an amazing result for those who have allowed other people to really take their energy. It also gives the manager the insight that the person who is a challenge to them has needs that are perhaps not being met, as well. |
Question:
How can I figure out how I can show up in the way the selection committee wants me to? |
Answer:
Some people talk about coaching as if it’s self-improvement. In a way it’s really about self-discovery. It is my belief that once we figure out who we truly are and how we operate the best there is a great power in being that. When we continually try to be what others believe we should be it is a struggle and because we’re always guessing about what it is they want; it may even be impossible. When you can show up in an interview truly being who you are you may or may not get hired but if you do the selection committee is going to get who they thought they saw in the interview. And if you don’t perhaps it wasn’t the right job for you. I think taking the approach of “trying to be what they want me to be” and perhaps even fooling them may be the root of the problem that club managers experience in the long run. When you can just be who you are you’re not acting and you don’t have to remember what role you’re supposed to be playing today. There are a number of ways to start to understand who you are and how you operate; there is a personality profile assessment that is available through CMAA that you may consider doing or you could contact me and I can help walk you through the process. The other thing I do with clients in this situation is help them to look at their own personal foundation to see if anything is getting in the way of their progress.
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Question:
Thank you for the opportunity to communicate my question.
I am a past CMAA member with a 12 year club management background (Ast. Mgr. / Clubhouse Mgr.). My career objective was to develop strong management and leadership abilities that would enable me to be effective as a GM with a private club. Three years ago, when GM opportunities were not available, I decided to join a restaurant company that has left me knowing I made the wrong career decision.
Recently, I have contacted a select few local CMAA members to notify them of my interests and have checked the local chapter job postings. What is your advice on how I could reconnect with the club industry so that I can be considered for position openings. |
Answer:
Thank you so much for contacting me with your question. I think it would be a great question to be answered by both an Executive Coach or and Executive Search specialist.
My job is to help you achieve your goal, but I come from direction that I work with the someone like you to help you get clarity on who you are, how you operate and what you are suited for. There is a bit of a danger in just going out to find a job in that if we bring the same kind of thinking, the same way of operating to the next job we may find the same kind of problems that turned us off our last job.
This is called recycling and although it takes a lot of effort and in many ways is negative it does serve us because one day it challenges us to take accountability for how things are working for us.
My job is to help you understand how you work, what you need, what you value, what you are passionate about, what your special gifts or natural abilities are and help you get clear on what difference you will make.
When people have done this work it helps them to focus on the right opportunities and when you see the opportunity that is the right fit and you know it you will be substantially more attractive to a search committee. Doing this work also helps you when you are speaking to an Executive Search Consultant or your network of colleagues.
Thank you for your question and I look forward to the chance to help you to gain clarity if you are interested.
I don't know if you have read the article I wrote for CMAA entitled "Congratulations you've lost your job!" Whether you have lost a job literally or it has lost you, you might find some ideas in the article that might help you. If you go to the resource area of my website and click on articles you will find it.
Kevin
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Question:
I am currently searching for a coach that will help me grow what is already a successful business. From my perspective I think that I'm looking for someone to get me movitated, energized, and focussed. If you think that you could do that and you are interested, could you please respond to the following two questions:
I would like you to respond to the following two questions in assisting me in finding the right person:
1. What are the questions I should ask a potential coach, and what should the answers be?
2. Why would I choose you over your competitors? |
Answer:
Thank you so much for the e-mail. These are two great questions!
First off I think finding the right person is the right focus to have as opposed to finding a coach. My experience with coaches is that they all have unique approaches and specific strengths and most would help move you forward. The exciting part is to find that person who you really have chemistry with that can move you forward quickly and effortlessly.
I will suggest some questions you might ask prospective coaches. I can give you my answer but I think that the answers you hear will be varied and will tell you something that you need to know.
Here are some questions!
1. Do you give complimentary coaching sessions? I think this may be the only one you need to ask. Instead of having someone sell you on why they should be your coach you can experience what it feels like to be coached by them. If someone said they don't do that I would find that interesting. I personally don't take on a client unless we have had a complimentary coaching session. This is where I decide whether I would like to work with a client as they are deciding whether they would like to work with me.
2. What are the biggest lessons you have learned as a coach?
3. Who is your coach?
4. This is a question for you. Do you sense that the person you are talking to lives what they teach?
Your second question is why would I choose you over your competitors?
My answer to this goes back to my first question. I am not sure that you would or should choose me over another coach because I don't know who you are considering. I will tell you this that it is more important to me that you get the right coach than it is that I land you as a client. My clients say that is never in doubt when they have me as their coach. I care about them and the agenda is always theirs. This is a very personal business. My clients want to get extraordinary results and sometimes that means getting past issues that they have never been able to talk to anyone about. You need to make sure the person is truly on your side.
I hope this is helpful.
I would be pleased to have a session with you so you can experience my coaching and if it is not right for you I will support you in finding the right coach.
Kevin
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