Winning Against Resistance… The Real Battle in Leadership and Life

This past week was interesting. Interesting in a challenging sort of way. Maybe you have had those kinds of weeks. The ones when you think you are working your plan, and “stuff” keeps happening to get in your way. I call it resistance, based on a brilliant and powerful book that I read years ago, The War of Art by Steven Pressfield.

Resistance is one of the most cunning forces. It can quietly derail your goals, fog your clarity, and drain your energy. It doesn’t announce its arrival; it disguises itself as interruptions, procrastination, perfectionism, distraction, burnout, and overwhelm.

I have realized over the years that from a coaching perspective, resistance is not something to be eliminated—it’s something to be understood, acknowledged, respected, and worked with. Apparently, this week, I needed to be reminded!

The Many Faces of Resistance

In The War of Art, Pressfield defines resistance as the invisible force that keeps us from doing our most important work. He writes, “Resistance will tell you anything to keep you from doing your work. It will perjure, fabricate; it will seduce you. Resistance is always lying and always full of [expletive].”

I would add that resistance is anything that gets in the way of our best set plans. For me this week, it has shown up in the way of work interruptions, migraine headaches, a burst water pipe in our home, dealing with an insurance company, poisonous words thrown at my family, lack of sleep, and an overwhelmingly full calendar. All small problems in the grand scheme, but nonetheless, resistance.

For leaders, resistance can also show up when:

• We delay the difficult conversation we know we need to have.
• We tell ourselves we’ll start fresh on Monday, after our busy season, or after our vacation.
• We hesitate giving feedback to our team members.
• We stay “in the weeds” instead of stepping into strategic leadership.
• We second-guess our voice in meetings.
• We say “yes” to please others even when we mean “no.” (This is a personal favorite of mine.)

At mid-year, especially, resistance gets louder. The initial momentum of the new year has faded. The big goals that once inspired us have taken a back seat. We may look at what’s still on our plate and feel behind, tired, or disheartened. As coaches, we believe this is an opportunity to resist the urge to “just push through” and instead to pause, reflect, and then move forward.

The Inner Dialogue: The Four Agreements

On June 13, I attended my daughter’s college graduation for her graduate degree. It was an exciting six-hour road trip (including several conversations with the insurance company) to watch her walk the stage. The Convocation Speaker was a highly educated faculty member with a brilliant message. Within the first few minutes she gave the graduates the gift of a book recommendation. The book, she explained, was one that she encountered several years ago and has become the most important book of her life. She described that the book provides a wonderful framework to live your life. That book, of course, was The Four Agreements by Don Miguel Ruiz.

Coincidence? I don’t know. But that exact book has been a foundation for my work and my life for more than two decades. It was exactly the message I needed to hear: use the Four Agreements to tackle resistance!

1. Be Impeccable with Your Word
   Yes, it’s important to be honest, truthful, and flawless with the words we use with others. It’s even more crucial to watch our inner words and dialogue. Sometimes we are fooling ourselves out of acting, and other times, we are beating ourselves up with our own words. I was doing both.
2. Don’t Take Anything Personally
   Resistance often arrives as fear of judgment. When we take things personally, we make it about us. When we drink the poison from the outside world, it makes us sick. This agreement reminds us to separate feedback from identity. (I needed to hear this!) We grow when we realize that most resistance is not about external conditions—it’s about internal beliefs. Don’t drink the poison.
3. Don’t Make Assumptions
   Resistance loves to deal in assumptions: This won’t work anyway, they won’t support me, I don’t have what it takes. Test your assumptions. What if the opposite were true? Again, we get to be in control of our beliefs.
4. Always Do Your Best
   This agreement helps me reframe perfectionism. “Your best” changes depending on your energy, season of life, and context. Progress over perfection is one of the most powerful antidotes to Resistance.

Now What? Moving through Resistance

1. Name It
   The first step is awareness. Ask yourself: Where is resistance showing up right now? Get specific. Is it around feedback, overwhelm, leading the team, rest? Write it down. Naming resistance disarms it.
2. Move Toward, Not Away
   In coaching, we invite leaders to lean in. What is the resistance protecting you from? Often, it’s tied to fear: of failure, success, or vulnerability. Understanding the why behind resistance helps shift it.
3. Recommit
   Re-connect with your WHY. Re-engage with your goals. Which goals still matter? Which need to evolve? Resistance can be a signal that something needs to change—not that we need to give up. It might also be the signal to patiently wade through the mud. Slow and steady can often get us to the other side.
4. Create Micro-Movements
   Pressfield talks about the discipline of showing up. What’s one action you can take today that aligns with your intention? Email the mentor. Have the conversation. Block the time. Say no. Start small. Start now.
5. Celebrate Movement, Not Just The Finish Line
   Resistance thrives when we only reward end results. Reflect daily and weekly on your small wins: Where did I move forward this week—even just a little?

This week has reminded me: resistance is not the enemy. It is the training ground for growth. Every time I choose to act, speak truth, stay present, or show up despite the fear, I weaken resistance. The Four Agreements offer a compass to lead life with integrity, clarity, and courage. Choose to move forward—again and again, even when it’s hard.

Oh, and wish me luck with the insurance company!

Need support navigating resistance in your leadership journey? Sometimes, the biggest shift starts with the smallest conversation.